“Let us dance in the sun, wearing wild flowers in our hair...”

wedding registry?

Sunday, February 20, 2011

...

Jed and I haven't really discussed what we are going to do about the registry yet, but we're both a little unsure of how to go about it. You see, we'll be moving the end of the summer and it's going to be hard enough packing everything up and relocating. So having a bunch of extra things to pack and move on top of it isn't really very appealing. Any advice on what to do about a wedding registry if you're going to be relocating? I've heard of the "honeymoon registry" where people give you money for your honeymoon, but that doesn't really appeal to me. I have thought about signing up for something like Simple Registry but I'm not sure if people will be offended by this?? Any thoughts?

23 comments :

  1. We asked people to give to a charity of their choice in our honor. We suggested a few but ultimately left it up to them. It was great to get a brunch of different thank you cards from deserving charities that reflected the personalities of our guests. Also really cool that our marriage could make a small difference in the world!

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  2. I don't think I've ever commented on your blog before, but it is so lovely. My friend was married last week, and she used Simple Registry. I loved it, because it was easy to use and it was things she could really use. All of their gifts had to be sent to them, because they were married in Texas but live in New York. I think most of their guests ended up giving gift cards because they knew their situation. The only thing I have ever been offended by is a wedding last fall that specifically asked for money. If you have a friend who lives near your new place, maybe you could send them there. Good luck!

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  3. Hey, Anna. Over here in the UK you can register somwhere and they will keep the gifts and deliver them to your home on the date you would like them. So, you could possibly delay and have it delivered once you have settled in. Some guests also quite like not having to carry a gift around (steak knives on a plane can be tricky!) or wrap it themselves and it's a good way to extend the feeling of celebration for you and Jed. Hope this helps.

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  4. I always feel a bit offended when a friend or relative gets married and asks for gifts or a cash donation to their honeymoon/new kitchen. We are getting married in the summer and have invited our loved ones to celebrate our wedding with us. That doesn't mean we want them to give us anything in return except their love and support. Asking for a present is crass and materialistic.

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  5. this is what we did Anna. at that time (ooooold) it was not an online registry but it worked. many people do this type of registry list here in France, for a honeymoon.
    (good) memories are well worth a saucepan and even a Le Creuset cocotte !!!

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  6. ps : i didn't ready properly & thought you wanted to do the honeymoon registry... (I have no regret about ours !) but if you don't, I'm sure there are many otpions like gift cards or here they can be deliver at any store location (when the registry is in a store) in the country... I'm sure there are plenty of options available, you just have to think WHAT you & Jed would like to receive as a starting point.

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  7. thank you everyone, those are all great ideas!

    emma, i am not expecting gifts, it's just that i know many people will want to give a gift. i don't want anyone to feel obligated, though! i'd like to make that clear on the invitations. however, many people do find it a lot easier when they can purchase something for the couple that they know they'll need. so a registry i think is very helpful. but even i don't usually buy stuff on people's registries, because i enjoy picking out something or hand-making something myself.

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  8. same thoughts as muffinmoon - can you determine your gift delivery date so its after your move. Congratulations on your engagement - exciting times!

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  9. ps: we specifically asked people not to bring gifts as our wedding was in switzerland and spread out over a weekend of activities - so we felt that "getting there" was enough. Having said that though, A LOT of people were uncomfortable about not giving a gift and repeatedly asked about it. Sometimes going with tradition has its perks and everyone is comfortable//happy

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  10. Your leaving your lovely Church abode. Where ever shall you go?

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  11. PS,
    Money is alway a good thing, especially when your just getting started. Traditionally one does give an envelope at the wedding (in addition to a gift), its just the way it is.

    As for gifts, perhaps you can specify the importance of a gift card, or if you know your new address have the gift shipped there.

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  12. Ian and I moved the weekend after we got married. We just kept everything in the boxes they came in, so they were already packed (cookware,toaster,dishes, etc).

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  13. we are using one called "myregistry", which seems like basically the same thing as simple registry. i don't think anyone will be offended. most people want to buy you a gift (small or large) and they want to make sure it's something that the two of you actually want and will use. we also are strongly encouraging folks to donate to some of our favorite charities in lieu of a gift for us. good luck!

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  14. We didn't register at all because we didn't need anything. However, people still gave gifts. We ended up with a lot of money, gift cards and a few things that people wanted to give us.

    Be warned though you could end up with a lot of picture frames if you simply choose to not register. We got quite a few. :)

    -Loretta

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  15. Oh man, my boyfriend and I are in a similar pickle! He'll be moving to Germany (where I live) after our wedding in the USA, so we really can't handle a lot of gifts to take with us. I don't want to be presumptuous and put a request for "cash only" in the invitations, but at the same time, I don't want to schlepp an American appliance to a country that uses a completely different electrical power/plugs either.

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  16. i like the simple registry idea a lot - i'll definitely be sharing that with my sister who's getting married in august!
    for our wedding, we sent out little poems in our invitations talking about the old house we just purchased, how we wanted to fix it up on our own but didn't have enough funding, and how we already had two households worth of things to move into it, and asked people that if they were going to give a gift, to give a gift card to a home improvement store/lumber yard/etc. it worked out wonderfully, we got a lot of comments on how clever the invites were and no one was offended by asking for something practical. :) we got enough money/gift cards to finish the main floor of the house and do some landscaping (the attic is still a huge daunting task, and it's been almost four years!) and we did get a handful of actual gifts, and 90% of those were very thoughtful things that we use all of the time.
    just find a nice/clever way of letting everyone know that you'll be moving, and are waiting to fill your household until after you relocate, and would really appreciate gift cards (or something like simple registry). it's really easier on the gift givers that way as well.

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  17. If you know where you'll be moving to, try to have it planned so everything can be sent. Additionally, you can make a note on most store registries to say that you'd appreciate gift cards as much as an actual gift--the free shipping aspect is a bit attractive for people from a distance.
    Anonymous was right--even though we registered, we ended up with a TON of picture frames, which was sort-of-okay, but only one or two actually work well with our home. Oh well. Just be prepared :). And be ready to make some returns in the event you get duplicates or can't move something--my family and friends were nice enough to include receipts (because we got a few duplicates), but the store still took gave us store credit on one item because it was on our registry list.
    all that to say, good luck!

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  18. We did the whole wedding thing all wrong, very quirky: I actually proposed, offhand, one night when we were hanging out and drinking a bottle of wine with a friend. We got married (on a Tuesday, at the courthouse, then took our witnesses out for a light dinner and even drove them home!) more than a month before our actual celebration, took off for Europe, returned and threw a backyard dinner (with live 30s jazz) for 30 that we catered ourselves four days later (ug, jet lag!!). Everything was reusable or compostable, many things(silver, china) sourced in antique or thrift shops; our coffee-sack tablecloths came fro the hardware store! The whole shebang cost us a little more than $1,000 and we didn't ask our parents for a penny. It was cold that day and I wore flannel and boots with my party dress.

    We'd also been living together more than 9 years and didn't feel we really needed or wanted more "stuff." And yet ... as the months went by, everyone started asking for a registry. Repeatedly. Finally, a month or two before the wedding, we caved. We made a small registry at Williams and Sonoma of only things that we actually needed (pie weights, a new set of measuring cups), with most items under $30 and only one or two over $100, because we knew our siblings would want to splurge. And everyone seemed really happy, and honestly, it's been nice to finally own steak knives.

    So, even a goofy pair like us couldn't escape this tradition. And it seemed to make our loved ones HAPPY to have a registry (and as I'm sure you're discovering, people are very funny about weddings. They want to feel "involved."), so in the end, I'm glad we caved.

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  19. I had some friend in the same situation. They got married, and then moved from TX to NY. They didn't want to pack tons of stuff, and were trying to downsize, so they asked for people to give money. I thought it was a fine idea. (Loving your blog, btw!)

    PS- I'm hosting my first GIVEAWAY on my blog! Please come and see!
    X

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  20. http://www.alternativegiftregistry.org/
    We registered a the above site and asked for all kinds of gifts ranging from setting up for our wedding, taking pictures at showers and the wedding, etc. People got really creative. I highly recommend it!

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  21. Firstly, congratulations! I haven't been to your blog in a while.

    I'll add my two cents here. My husband and I were married 16 years ago and I did not want to register. I thought it was tacky to tell people what to buy us! At that time, the only option (gasp!) was going to an actual bricks and mortar department store. No internet registry at that time, or even Target. So at my MIL's urging, I registered and I'd say about 20% of our guests used the registry. (We got a lot of cash. With that cash, we bought our first PC and that's how my husband's career in programming began!)

    Although I have to say that I think it's more popular now to purchase from a registry and much easier. I for one, like to have a registry because I know the couple actually wants what I am giving.

    I have to add that we don't even have most of that stuff anymore. It's just stuff and it comes and goes. I would suggest that if you do register, make it from something you really want, or that you will keep forever.

    Also, I have to add that as far as I know and I think Emily Post will back me up on this, it is not okay to tell people where you are registered in your wedding invitation. If your guests are wondering, they should know to ask the mother of the bride, the mother of the groom, or a member of your wedding party (bridesmaids, etc.) In that case, it is fine to tell people when they ask. See this post:

    http://emilypost.com/wedding-invitations-and-announcements/341-essential-invitation-dos-and-donts

    Good luck and have fun!! Remember: a wedding is supposed to be fun for everyone, especially the bride and groom!

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  22. oh wow, thank you all SO so much for your replies! all of your suggestions are super helpful! also, i've been having fun clicking at your various blog links. :)

    if anyone else would like to share their experiences or ideas, please do feel free to share!

    xo

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  23. Late responder, but better than never! We put on our wedding website a note about registries that said something like "Above all, your love, friendship and support is the most valuable thing we hold close in our hearts.
    (Note new paragraph)
    For those wishing to send gifts, we appreciate the Chinese tradition of Red Envelopes. (Here I put a wikipedia link to red envelopes, which hold cash. I'm Chinese.) For those who prefer, we are registered at blah-blah-blah store."

    We got 90% money, which helped us buy a dining table, chairs, put a security deposit on a new apartment, a moving van, and other things we needed but couldn't register for. We mentioned what we did with the money in the thank you notes. (i.e. you really helped us start our lives together in our new home) We had lived together already for 2 years.

    That said, I remember who gave every thing I registered for. I HATED the registry process, I think I cried about it 2 times and my hubs and I fought a lot about how I hated it. But, I know that so-and-so got me the fruit bowl, so-and-so the cutting board, etc.

    My in law's friends had been sending gifts before a registry existed, and although I think about these people when I see the gifts, they are ugly! But I can't get rid of them because they were a wedding gift.

    I think asking for money isn't rude in this day and age, as most people are not 18 and moving from their parents home to their marital home. A registry is important at least to avoid receiving things you don't want/need from people who want to give you a physical thing. It's best to give people the option

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